Self care. Putting yourself first. Making yourself a priority. Yada yada yada. It seems like we hear it all day every day, yet how many of us actually do it?
I know I don’t. I try to, for some things, and for some things I am making myself a priority. But when it comes to day in and day out, I find myself going through the motions of making sure everyone else is taken care of and falling into the old pattern of putting myself last.
My mental health, physical health, my emotional health. They all get pushed under the rug until tomorrow, next week or someday.
Last week I had the amazing opportunity to be around people who completely opened themselves up and talked about their struggles with 100% honesty, straight from the heart. During one particular exchange, an almost 40 year old woman opened up about how difficult it has been for her to watch her own mother put everyone else first, year after year after year. In between tears, she uttered, “I’m. So. Tired. Of. It. So tired.” There is no doubt in my mind that her mom always thought, and continues to think, that she is doing what is best for everyone by sacrificing herself. But seeing how it affected her nearly 40 year old daughter was a MASSIVE wake up call for me.
We’re all doing our best. We’re all doing what WE think is best for our children. But what if in doing what we think is best and continuing to put ourselves last, we’re doing more damage than we ever realized?
It’s not going to be easy, putting myself first. Far from it, because most of us (myself included) have a natural ability to take care of others. We naturally put our children’s needs first, before ours. We think “Let me just do this one thing real quick.” And then someone needs something. And then we get sidetracked. And before we know it it’s time to pick up the kids from school or make dinner or bathtime or bedtime. And we never got to do that one small thing for ourselves that we set out to do hours earlier.
I don’t know exactly how I’m going to put myself first. It might just be a small series of things and events throughout the day. I think it has to look different for everyone. I do know that it means letting go of guilt when I’m doing something for me. It also means speaking up when I need a break and asking for help. And if that’s all it looks like for now, I think that’s a pretty good start.
