My younger son takes so much of my effort and energy that I frequently worry about accidentally neglecting my older son. This was a big fear of mine going into the summer because we’re doing a lot of new therapies for my younger son and I felt bad that my oldest son is going to constantly be tagging along. I also worry and fear what he’s going to remember from these days when I’m yelling or sobbing because his brother was screaming and I‘ve reached my wits end.
I do that a lot, fear the worst of a situation. I don’t consider myself pessimistic, actually I feel like I’m a pretty positive person. But I do subconsciously imagine all of the negative things that could happen when faced with decisions about my kids.
Recently I listened to a very brief podcast that was like a wake up call for me regarding how I think about situations I feel anxious about. (Link here). Basically, instead of being afraid of all of the bad things that could potentially happen, think about, write down, and focus on all of the good and AMAZING things that could happen.
I was worried about my older son feeling left out, feeling like he was coming in second to his brother regarding our attention and activities, and having memories of mom always being mad or sad.
Then some things started happening that helped me focus on the positive.
My older son started trying to comfort my younger son during his intense tantrums. Now he’s so successful that my younger son seeks him out for comfort.
My older son keeps tabs on my younger son when they’re playing at the playground or pool, making sure he tags along with him and that new friends they meet know how to interact with him. He sticks up for him and “translates” for him when other kids don’t understand what he’s saying.
The empathy, understanding and confidence he’s learning from helping and standing up for his brother are traits that I wouldn’t begin to know how to teach him without this real life experience. My heart swells when I watch them interact, which is usually exactly what I need in the (often times difficult) moment. And I take a deep breath and remind myself that I am doing something right. And he’s going to be more than okay. And I think about all of the AMAZING things that are coming out of our current situation. And I know we are all exactly where we’re supposed to be.
